I have been serving in youth ministry on and off for about fifteen years. Recently, we were blessed with some new youth directors to oversee the program. They asked us what it had been like for us so far and whether we had any advice. I maybe came up with one or two things at the time, but in thinking further, I definitely have more to say!
1. Testimonies
Have people come in and share their testimony.
DON’T
Have people come in and share their testimony without previewing it first.
Drake is a young man from Ohio who has interned at my church a couple of times and has dreams of being a pastor for an urban ministry. He has a colorful past that includes a journey from juvie to justified through Christ as a sophomore in high school. He gave his testimony to our youth group one summer, and it was so inspiring for our kids. Drake met our pastor, Brian, when he traveled to Spring Arbor, Michigan to preach at the Spring Arbor Free Methodist Church. Pastor Brian also spoke at Drake’s school, Spring Arbor University. Upon asking Drake to speak to our group, we were already familiar with his testimony since Brian had both video interviewed (and shared it on Facebook) and vetted him.
There is a dedicated brother who had, once upon a time, expressed interest in serving in the youth ministry. We had him sit in on our sessions a couple of times, and then he said that he wanted to share his testimony. We were all for it! Let me start with saying that our church being diverse and having a varied array of backstories is an understatement. Our lead pastor himself is one who has taken the path from prison to the pulpit. But this brother’s testimony took a grave and unexpected turn. There was a lot – and it was stuff our kids could relate to, like drugs and gang activity. The one thing we couldn’t get behind him sharing was the part about seeing the body of his beheaded friend, which was also told in a little more detail than we liked. I’ll just leave that there.
2. Preparation
DO
Have a lesson prepared to teach.
DON’T
Have a lesson prepared to preach.
I think the key word here is prepared. Actually, the other key word is teach. Youth group is off the beaten path for a reason. It’s a chance to get up close and personal in a way that listening to someone on stage behind a podium doesn’t offer. Take advantage! This intimate, small-group setting offers time to ask questions through ice breakers or in discussion, to do writing exercises, play games and more.
I have witnessed students not being given an opportunity to speak – the youth worker is reading from a paper, reads all of the Bible verses him or herself, and does not ask questions, or when they do ask questions, they’re asked rhetorically. In an environment that does not foster discussion or even eye contact, students check out and wait for the time clock to run out.
3. Sharing
DO
Set up an atmosphere conducive to openness and honesty.
DON’T
Go telling kids’ parents and guardians all the things they shared in confidence.
I was texting recently with one of my co-leaders from our sister church. We were talking about some kids by name, and she mentioned that she had a really great experience with them when they opened up and talked about different unChristlike things they were experiencing, activities they were participating in and habits they had. For sure, these were things their church-going parents were unaware of and would not condone. It gave that leader the opportunity to minister to them and give them much-needed guidance. She did not take the opportunity to rat them out.
Obviously in cases of abuse or in extreme circumstances we would be forced to share with parents and guardians or with law enforcement. It was wonderful to tell my co-leader exactly why they felt so comfortable being open. We make it clear at youth group meetings that, “What happens here, stays here and nobody’s personal business leaves the room,” plus that one disclaimer. My co-leader said that they make sure that their kids know the same goes at their church. Our pastor often says that church is a hospital for sinners. No one is going to share their symptoms with a doctor who leaves their case file out for everyone to view.
4. Games
DO
Spend time playing games and having fun.
DON’T
Spend so much time playing games and having fun that there’s no room left to bring the Lord along.
Yes, where two or three gather in Jesus’ name, there He is with us. Nothing is a waste. But we must also be wise with our time. I remember this time I was co-teaching a midweek youth session. The leader, Enrique, was teaching, I don’t recall what, to our small group of about five students. One of our high school girls, who normally is a super-engaged participant, didn’t seem to be feeling it that night. He pulled a quiz-type game out of his pocket and she suddenly lit up and smoked the competition. I looked at her and asked, “What happened to you?” She replied, “I like to compete.”
Games and activities are important, but that is not the main reason we gather. I’ve been in youth meetings where the ice breaker took so long that there was not much time left for the Word. We started noticing that there is more time to ask, “What is your name, what grade are you in and what did you do this weekend?” when there are only ten students in the room versus twenty. I personally feel like it’s imperative to get the ball rolling with everyone saying something, so in a large group I’ll at least have them go around the room and say their names.
5. Rules
DO
Set rules and place boundaries.
DON’T
Adhere to rigid rules and place excessive boundaries.
We, of course, have guidelines about being respectful when people are talking, not having phones out during class and staying seated. We like students to participate, to do things like pass out Bibles when asked, and to not use profanity. But we extend grace too, as a rule.
No better place to pick your battles than in youth ministry! There’s this sweetheart of a kid we have who is in middle school. He’s sometimes a little all over the place, other times a little quiet and in between he fidgets a lot, provides plenty of sarcasm and interjects with off-topic commentary. He’s also one of my favorites. I tend to gloss over much of what he does (unless it’s clearly really distracting to the other students) in favor of the fact that he shows up every time and actually asks really good questions.
Set expectations that are sprinkled with mercy. Make allowances for students with attention issues. Let it ride sometimes if they want to use the Bible app on their phones. Realize that sometimes they have to go pee a lot. Or maybe they’re lying about it and might just need air. Get to the point where you recognize the difference between loving your group the way they need to be loved and letting them take your kind spirit for granted.
